Well it’s been quite a while since my last post. Everyone says that the holidays are tough after the loss of a loved one, but I’m not so sure I quite understood this until this year. The past few holiday seasons have been a bit rocky with my Mom’s depression but her presence permitted everyone to carry on with our usual holiday traditions.
Because we didn’t formally celebrate Christmas, Thanksgiving was our family’s special holiday. After I moved away for college, my Mom would start preparing for the big day by calling me and my two older brothers to report on the weight of this year’s bird. It was usually 20lbs or more! I always went home on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving to begin the pie preparation. We always made two pumpkin pies and two chocolate pies, except for the year I tried to make two brownie chocolate pies. Let’s just say that everyone was disappointed (and maybe a little angry…Sean) and kept asking where the regular chocolate pies were hiding. Our family doesn’t handle change well!
Thanksgiving day consisted of Mom and I, side by side preparing our feast, while the Macy’s Day Parade played in the background. Other family members would stroll through occasionally helping prepare a dish or to inquire when the turkey would be done, but Mom and I were the permanent fixtures. This year, I lost my turkey day partner. Her absence felt so weighted and heavy that it felt like a physical weight was on my shoulders. I miss her with every ounce of my being and have not been able to convince my heart that she is gone.
To honor her during this holiday season, I went back to her charitable roots, and donated blood, again. I had much higher aspirations for acts of kindness during this holiday season, but hopefully the new year will bring new motivation and a less heavy heart.